Two Years in India, Week 92: Farewell Early.

Six hundred forty four days ago, my wife, son, two cats, and I landed in Chennai, in the middle of the night, after 20+ hours of travel, to begin a new chapter of our lives. Everything had changed, new house, new job, new country, heck, new hemisphere. We've had a wonderful time in India and are sorry to leave early. My tour was 24 months long and I originally thought I'd be pushing it to 25. However, my next Post needed me early, so I'm leaving after a mere 21 months. I can't help but feel like I'm "leaving the party early" since most of my friends have 6 or more months left in Chennai.

I've heard India described as "Incredible India" and as "(I)'ll (N)ever (D)o (I)t (A)gain." However, we've recently taken to saying, "India: it's different every time." We'll miss the endless source of entertainment that everyday events here offer through their seemingly random way of getting done. Most of all, we'll miss how friendly everyone has been. As a(n obvious) foreigner, the people in Chennai treated us as honored guests to their country, and we've felt truly welcomed.

Onward to home leave and Buenos Aires, may it be half as much fun as India was!

(PS: The picture isn't actually of me.)

Ind-glish

I love language. I especially love listening to the different ways that other cultures use English. India has been an endless supply of quirky phrases that form a kind of code among those of us who have spent time here. I assume with time, we'll phase out our use of these phrases, but in the mean time, we'll continue to amuse ourselves by using them.

Here are a handful of common ones that we love.

The oil was very less in the pot.

I am here only. 

On Thursday itself. 

Do the needful.
I am knowing.
I have a doubt.
They are having a marriage.
"Kay-gees" for kilograms.
Playing pool, my opponent announced which "port" he would sink the 8 ball in.

In a similar vein, we've very much enjoyed listening to people speaking in Tamil... with random bits of English included. E.g. Tamil. Tamil, Tamil, Tamil, ask the driver, Tamil, Tamil, Tamil, cannot do it, Tamil, Tamil, informally only, Tamil...

Finally... As part of a team building exercise, we were instructed to walk to separate sides of the room, depending on our answers to various questions. When the question, "Would you rather never watch TV again or never listen to music again?" came up, one of my local employees leaned over to me and asked, "How can you listen to music without TV?" I was pretty confused, until I realized... all popular music in India is from movies. The culture doesn't support bands, just singing actors. So in his mind, if the TV industry disappeared... so would popular music.

PS: That sign sure was "a Quality..." 

Indian Sports

Quick note here... over a year ago, my boss was telling me about a bunch of games he used to play as a kid living in rural India. Some of these games would be just this side of terrifying for most parents. Below are brief descriptions of several that I can remember.

Gilli Danda (? or a local variant) is played with a long stick and a short stick. You balance the short stick on a rock like a see-saw, then hit the raised end to launch it into the air. Then you have to hit it with the long stick and call out the number of paces it went. If the other team agrees, you get that many points. If they disagree, you have to hop on one foot to the short stick. If your other foot touches, the other team will hit you until you're on one foot again. If you over-estimated the distance, you receive no points, if you underestimated, you get double points.

Kabaddi (or a local variant) is played by having one team send one player to the other team's side of the field. His goal is to touch as many players as possible while holding his breath and return to his side of the field. If he returns before inhaling again, his team gets one point for each opponent he touched. The other team, of course, tries to tackle, grab, or assault the player into exhaling...

Lagori/dikori is a game where a pile of stones are set up in a particular manner by one team. The other team attempts to hit the pile with another rock to known pieces down. Then the defending team tries to rebuild the pile, while the offensive team tries to hit the defenders with balls or rocks. Each defender that gets hit is out of the round.

Trip Report New Delhi

The final stop on our whirlwind tour of the Golden Triangle (plus Amritsar) was New Delhi. We were all pretty sick at this point, so we didn't see as much as we would have liked, but that's how it goes sometimes!

We started our day off with an entertaining subway ride. It was the most packed I've ever experienced (beating out both Hong Kong and Japan, at least in my experience). I went between two stops with only one foot touching the ground... the rest of my weight being supported by the crowd. My son was so smooshed that he constantly was saying, "You're too close! I need more room!" which garnered quite a number of laughs from the surrounding passengers.  

Parliament Building

"The Mall"

Presidential Estate

Street food!

We were also fortunate enough to be in town during the one time of year that the Presidential Palace's Mughal Gardens are open to the public. Cameras are not allowed inside, but (apparently) phones don't count.

Trip Report Amritsar

Although not technically part of the "Golden Triangle," we heard Amritsar was well worth visiting. February was a beautiful time of year to go, the weather was delightful (though it did rain one of the days). We started off by seeing the Golden Temple. We'd heard that it was a more impressive sight than even the Taj Mahal (though...obviously less famous). Honestly, we did enjoy it more. The surrounding plaza is beautiful and the kitchen serves over 100,000 free meals daily and is staffed by volunteers. Just seeing the scale of the operation was stunning.

Roti maker

Looks like my kitchen!

Dishwashers

Later in the day we headed to the the Pakistani border to view the Wagah Retreat Ceremony. This ceremony is a deafening pep rally, which consists mostly of cheering, singing, and rigidly formal marching, as the border crossing is closed each night. It was quite the sight, but bring ear plugs!

Trip Report Jaipur

Jaipur has the honor of making up the third corner of the New Delhi, Agra, and Jaipur triangle. OK, OK, there's probably more to say about Jaipur. Unfortunately, our tour was pretty much a whirlwind of sight seeing. Below is a sampling of the proof. Not pictured is the elephant ride up to the top of the Amber Fort, when some guy tried to sell us a quilt. At the end of the haggling he announced that the price he was giving was in US dollars, not rupees... so we promptly threw his $300 quilt back to him. Good luck on that one, buddy.

Amber Fort

Amber Fort

Jal Mahal (Water Palace), I was disappointed it's not open to the public.

Hawa Mahal (Temple of Winds)

We were a bit surprised to see that the Hawa Mahal is just... on a street... downtown, with traffic rolling by non-stop. Always expected it to be... less urban. Also, it's essentially just a screen. The queen and her daughters could climb up the narrow building and watch the street below without their being seen. 

Trip Report Agra: Taj Mahal, Agra Fort, Fatehpur Sikri

In February, 2015 we took a trip to see the "Golden Triangle" in Northern India. Our trip started off in Agra, which I had just been to the month before to support the Presidential visit to the Taj Mahal. So... it ended up being a repeat for me, but not for my family. Besides, it's probably worth seeing twice in your life (though I'd recommend not doing it back to back....)

Dhaba stand I ate lunch at most days during my TDY.

Nice Tandoor oven!

Agra Fort

Agra Fort

Agra Fort

Agra Fort overlook of the Taj... you know, in clear weather.

From Agra, we headed west to Jaipur. We stopped at Fatehpur Sikri before continuing on.

Fatehpur Sikri

Fatehpur Sikri

Fatehpur Sikri

The Rise and Fall of the Uber Empire (in Chennai)

Uber hit the expat scene in Chennai like water to a parched throat. Autos are plentiful, but you (or the driver) have to know where you're going... and negotiating a price can be tiresome. Uber solved this with GPS pick-up and drop-off points and mandatory metered pricing. For awhile, it was so popular that it really made us start wondering if future officers should even bother with buying cars. Sure, there were the occasional infuriating conversations where the driver called and asked for a landmark and you repeatedly told him to JUST LOOK AT THE MAP ON HIS PHONE... but it was still the easiest way to get a taxi. To give you an idea, sending our nanny home after a late-night of babysitting cost nearly 2/3rds as much and was haggle free, once we could just order her an Uber. She also feels enormously safer riding in a car alone at night, rather than trying to pick up an auto on the side of the road. Heck, at its peak, I even ordered a taxi in Chennai for my wife and son, while I was at a friend's house in Europe!

Unfortunately, sometime last year the Uber market just... sort of crashed. I don't know what happened, but the drivers just dried up. It went from always seeing a dozen cars nearby, to being lucky to see one (and rushing to request it)! There is still a presence, and it is still fairly reliable during the day, but no longer can we confidently say, "we don't need to arrange transport to the airport at 4am, we'll order an Uber." Ordering a taxi to take our nanny home is now a 10-15 minute process, or hoping a car will appear and that you'll be the person to get it. I couldn't say what changed, but here's an interesting article from WIRED on Uber's business model in India.

PS: We've tried OLA as well (a similar company founded in India), it's always been not-quite-as-good as Uber for us. We even booked a taxi in advanced to take us to the airport, using OLA, and it was cancelled 2 minutes before we had planned to leave (surprise!)

PPS: Uber doesn't operate in Buenos Aires, guess we'll see what the local market has when we get there!

You know you're in India when

You know you're in India when:

You don't bother setting the clock on the oven.

You occasionally stop and try to figure out what's wrong, because you haven't heard a horn in a few minutes.

The oil is "very less" in the pot.

You are "here only."

Things happen "on Thursday, itself."

You "do the needful."

You tell your taxi to just go, "I am knowing." Then you tell them to turn using "Lefta" and "Righta."

You hit a ball into the "port" when playing snooker.

You play snowball, instead of bowling.

You're invited to attend a marriage.

You "have a doubt," instead of a question.

You "return to your native place" to visit relatives. 

Finally, you're heading "out of station" for the weekend.

Although these two stories don't really fit the theme, I don't think they support their own post, so I'll add them here.

I was waiting in line at a hotel currency exchange counter, to break a 1000 Rs note into smaller change. One of my locally employed staff walked right past me, interrupted the guy working the counter and asked for change. The man stopped helping the person he was helping, and doled out the change. As explanation, I was laughingly told, "this isn't the US, you don't form a queue!"

For one of the VIP visits, we were doing an "ice breaker" game after one of the team meetings. The game consisted of the leader reading off two options, and people separating to sides of the room, based on their preference. When the question "Would you rather never listen to music again or never watch TV again?" came up, one the locals leaned over to me and asked, "How can you listen to music without a TV?" I laughed, but quickly realized that he was serious. It makes sense, "pop music" in India almost (if not completely) exclusively comes from TV and movies.

Ayudha Puja

I mentioned Ayudha Puja last year, but it's worth revisiting. This year, we went to attend the group puja of a bunch of vehicles at one of the multi-family-residences. As it turns out, I parked in the wrong place... so I was invited to get my car puja'd as well. SCORE!

The puja (or pooja) is a multi step blessing process. First the vehicles (or tools) are cleaned. Then they are sprinkled with turmeric powder and kumkuma powder (also turmeric, just mixed with slaked lime which makes it change color) and palm leaves/flower leis are tied on.

Next, offerings of puffed rice and fruit are placed in front of the vehicle. Camphor is placed on top of an ash gourd and coconut, lit on fire, and the smoke is wafted around the blessed items. The gourd and coconut are then smashed open in the street (and left for passing animals).

Finally, a lemon is placed under each wheel (of the car) and the car drives forward, crushing them. This is said to bring good luck for the year. I like to think it means my car is now invulnerable. I wonder if I can get them to reduce my $70/year car insurance rate, in light of my car's new found power.

On a side note, everyone tells me that the minor "bang" I had yesterday was obviously because my car wasn't puja'd last year.

First Love Tap, Driving in India

I guess it was bound to happen. Driving to work today I got into my first "bang" or fender-bender, as non-Indian's call it. Of course, neither of our fenders were bent... so "bang" is probably a more accurate term. It was completely my fault, I was looking at the side of the road at the group of personal drivers from the Consulate, who were getting breakfast at a food stand. The car two cars in front of me slammed on his breaks for no reason and caused a mild '3 car pile up.' In the end, we all got out, the personal drivers came over, and everyone agreed (in Tamil, without me having any clue what was going on) that there was no damage to any of the vehicles. The other two cars drove off... and I finished making my way to work. The only real damage done was to my reputation as a driver in the eyes of the personal drivers. I'm pretty sure they were shaking their heads and saying, "Silly American, this is why you hire a professional!"

I was quite lucky; had there been damage, I could have spent several hours at the police station. At least, that's what has happened to other officers in the past.

Note: The pictured car is not mine, but is the same make/model and is just as (un)damaged.

Traveling in India (or: how I learned to stop worrying and love staying home)

It takes so much willpower not to use a Dr. Strangelove style subtitle for every post... Anyway, let me start off by specifying that this post is heavily biased by the fact that I have a 3 year old, who hates being in the car-seat. We ordered a "mifold" booster seat for him (pictured); we're hoping that'll be slightly better, but they're not even being sold yet.

Traveling in India is not like anywhere else I've traveled. It is an enormous country, with countless things to see, but every time we go to plan a trip, we encounter the same stumbling block. Namely? It is an enormous country... and while there are tons of things to see, they tend to be very spread out.

Almost every itinerary we find includes a 2-4 hour flight and then several (often per day) 2-5 hours drives. Ooty is an excellent example. Every major Indian city has nearby "hill stations," high(er) elevation cities that are used to escape the heat of summer by locals. Mumbai has many within easy drive of the city (2 hours). Chennai's primary hill station is Ooty, which is a solid 2 hour drive... from the nearest city, which is a 6 hour train ride from Chennai. Alternately, you can fly and then drive 4 hours. Sounds like an easy weekend, right? There are exceptions, of course, but it seems like all the things on our "must-see" list are grueling trips.

Sightseeing with a small child is already pretty rough, but the idea of doing it interspersed with periods of screaming about being in the car-seat has really caused us to become home-bodies. Other than for work, we've done almost no travel since coming here. It's a depressing affair that we're going to have to remedy in our second year - if we want to hit all of our "must-sees." On that note, over the last year I have been awed at how much the "veteran" officers at post have traveled.  I kept thinking they must have seen EVERYTHING... and now I realize, they probably just procrastinated like we did... and are rushed to see everything before moving away!

It's going to be a busy year.

Visitors

Visitors. Talk to any expat and they'll almost certainly tell you, "No one comes to visit you." It doesn't matter where you go, how cool it is, or how easy (or hard) to get to it is. The sad fact remains that far fewer people come to visit you than you (or they) think will come. When we got this job we heard a chorus of "We'll come visit you!" When we got assigned India, we heard a multitude of people say, "I've always wanted to go to India, I'll definitely come visit!" However, in the end... the showing tends to be poor. I like to think this isn't a reflection on us (I do bathe...) or the people involved. The reality is that people have limited funds, limited vacation time, or other obligations that tend to get in the way. Also, once you're gone, there's an out-of-sight-out-of-mind mentality.

Of course, we're not actually a good example, we've been fortunate enough to have a bunch of visitors, both family and friends. We've had people come for a few days or up to several weeks. It's been a huge morale boost for us. Every time a new person comes, you get the sense of awe and wonder of living in a new place all over again. There's a certain joy in dragging your visitors around town to experience all of your favorite or most unexpected things. We've definitely seen an appreciable increase in our moods while we have visitors. Besides which, it motivates us to get out and do things (fighting the constant intertia to hang out at home).

The downside to being in Chennai, is that almost everything our visitors want to see... is in north India, several hours' plane flight away. It's like visiting a friend in Florida, having always wanted to see the Statue of Liberty and Niagara Falls. Generally speaking our visitors just stop by on their way to see the more famous sights in India. Don't get me wrong, we still show people the local hot spots, and they certainly get a less touristy view of Chennai. We just feel bad every time we put someone on a plane to go see the Taj Mahal without us, because we're really not interested in seeing the same thing over-and-over when it includes 10+ hours of travel each way.

Text Messages in India

Junk calls and texts are a part of life here. It's a slow day if I only receive one advertisement or scam text. Wrong number calls are generally a weekly occurence. However, yesterday (and again today) I received this pleasant gem. I assume it's a Public Service Announcement and not some ornate hoax/scam. Either way, it made us chuckle! 

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to text this guy back; apparently I can get a 12 lakh life insurance plan for just 50 rupees a month!

Sounds of Chennai

Living in India is definitely an experience for all of your senses. Everything is more colorful, there are active spice mills on side of the street (and other less savory smells, from time to time), the food has more flavor, and, of course, there are a lot of sounds. 

Our house is situated on the corner of a medium-sized intersection (busy, but no street light), and we have a constant barrage of sound 24 hours a day. Horns, calls from chaiwallas (tea sellers), and other passing bike-based vendors (think cardboard recyclers, vegetable carts, or tailors) comprise the bulk of the cacophony. Add in the random parades, political drive-bys such as the one in the video, and religious processions... and things can be quite noisy. Sometimes fireworks go off, because "Hey, we had some fireworks and [maybe even] something to celebrate."

Watching Music

So... back in January I was in Agra to support the (cancelled) Presidential visit. While there, we did some "Ice Breaker" games, one of which involved choosing (by walking to one side of the room or the other) which of two options you prefer. When the question "Would you rather never watch TV again or never listen to music again?" came up, one of the Locally Engage Staff with me leaned over and said, "I don't understand the question, how can you listen to music without TV?" I chuckled with him and didn't really think much of it. However, several months later, I was again faced with this cultural difference. Another local mentioned that he'd purchased an iPad so his wife could "watch music"! This made me realize that, in India, music and film aren't seperate. All (or nearly all) music is created with a "music video" or as part of a movie soundtrack. So the idea that a song could be created just as audio... doesn't really make sense. Don't get me wrong, people here listen to music with headphones and no visual all the time, and they've clearly had traditional music from before the time of television. That being said, the two are so closely coupled that I've been asked what would be a good song to download, by an American, "such as Arnold Swartznegger, Silvester Stalone, or Michael Jackson."

Driving in Chennai (after 6 months)

That traffic cop is manually changing the light.

It's probably time for a review of my experiences driving in India. As terrifying as it was to begin... it quickly became second nature. In fact, in some ways, it's more pleasant than driving in the US. I mean, you have to laugh at randomly getting cut off or pedestrians risking their lives to let you test your brakes. However, there is something to be said for driving in a place where every driver is paying attention. In the US, we expect traffic rules and conventions to be followed to the letter, when they're not, we're often so zoned out that we crash before noticing the change. In Chennai, traffic and road conditions are a constantly changing thing that demands your attention the entire time. I just recently saw a man fixing a pot hole in the middle of the biggest intersection of the city, with traffic passing him in both direction, and I had little doubt that no one would hit him. Driving here isn't very hard, because the other people on the road are very forgiving of any mistakes you might make: Accidentally merge into someone? They're expecting it! Not sure if your unpowered light means it's red or green? If no one's coming, just go! The only exeptions to the forgiving traffic are the busses. Busses in Chennai would never get anywhere if they drove politely... so instead they just ignore all traffic that isn't the car in front of them. They will merge into you and run you off the road because, hey, THEY'RE A BUS. What, did you not see them!? 

Driving in India is much like downhill skiing in that you rarely have to consider the people behind you. Unless they honk... that's the common way of saying, "I'm here! Please don't hit me while I pass you!" The first time I was driven to work (months and months ago) and the driver forgot to unfold the sideview mirrors, I thought it was hilarious... now I know, you just don't have to worry about cars behind you, that's their job.

I have a feeling I'm going to miss the semi-lawless driving here, when I leave and am forced to regularly obey ALL traffic laws. On that note, I'll leave you with an AMAZING ARTICLE on the unwritten rules of driving in India and a couple of "pro-tips." 

Pro Tip #1: In India you drive on the left... Unless you're driving in the wrong lane of a divided road... Then the best practice is to drive on (your) right. Now it makes sense why all the locals told me to "just stay to the right (of the left side of the road) and you'll be fine." There are fewer people driving in the wrong direction or boldly just pulling out whenever the heck they feel like it when you bear right. 
Pro Tip #2: If someone flashes their high beams at you here it means, "I'm going for it! You better get out of my way." I definitely pissed off a few people before I learned THIS.